This poem was inspired by my wait for a heart transplant. In December of 2005, I was admitted to the hospital for a heart transplant. Most of the month of December was spent stabilizing my health so that I would be strong enough to receive a transplant. Because my condition rapidly worsened, we nearly missed the window in which my heart was sick enough to need a transplant but the rest of my body was strong enough to survive the surgery.
On December 30, 2005, I moved from the standard hospital room which had become my temporary home and into the ICU where I waited at the top of the transplant list. I was not expected to live long enough to receive a donor heart due to how rapidly my own heart was deteriorating. Every day I existed in a state of urgent watchfulness, waiting for the announcement that a heart was available. Except for the time I spent napping, which was often since I became too weak to stay awake for more than twenty minutes at a time.
This was originally published in Epistemic Literary.
Audio recording of me reading this poem aloud.
Flying Standby By Dawn Levitt Terminal – Death is imminent. Also, a building where airplanes depart to destinations unknown. You sit, your bags packed, a patient traveler waiting for your flight, but the time of departure is unknown. Hovering in the gray space, plans cannot be made. Don’t make commitments – you don’t know if you will see them through. Twilight deepens as runway lights flicker. Your flight did not come today. Sleep on the hard benches and dream of delays. Originally published in Epistemic Literary in May 2024
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Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I would never have known this, if I never found you. You are strong and brave. 🙏🙏
You captured the anxiety of waiting to see if your body will live or if you will fly away into the great unknown.