Bug hugs! I definitely understand the distance. I lived 3 provinces away from my dad. When he was dying, my oldest brother was being a jerk, so updates weren't very informative, when he would give any response at all. My husband and I flew home for a week every month to spend some time with him, but ended up caring for him instead because my brother didn't want anyone coming in. I hope he does well back at home and stays healthy!
My sister and your dad would get along just fine. I have one sister she’s four years older than I am wouldn’t listen to advice before the last hurricane the dear Meals on Wheels ladies practically dragged her out of the mobile home to get her to a safe building. She complained about having to move to a different facility. Never mind everybody was trying to keep her in many others safe I think people like your dad and my sister are their own worst enemies. I am learning that I can only do so much. It’s exhausting trying to be supportive. Keep me posted on how he’s doing.
I can understand wanting to do your own thing. I would hate having someone else tell me what to do, but sometimes there's not a lot of choice. He's being released from the hospital today. I guess the pneumonia is gone.
Your father has his own ideas on how to proceed. This is always a difficult position to be in, because we tend to think that we know better. But what works for us might not be good for someone else.
It seems that you have done all you can; and from this vantage point, you have done a lot. You do not have to feel guilty, but I know that this is easier said than done.
I don’t suppose they have any social workers at this hospital? Those are the people that should get involved in his care, especially for planning where he goes after he’s discharged. It sounds like he needs home care or assisted living to make sure he’s eating and taking his meds. I think Medicare requires this type of thing upon discharge. You can’t do everything, nor should you be expected to. Could you get him to your state, where you could keep tabs on him? Any siblings to help out with this? Some people you just can’t help, I know, but the hospital should be assisting you.
I think he has been in touch with the social worker. She was going to help him get set up with home care, but his area is so remote that there is not a lot of services available. He will have someone for a little while then they stop coming. My stepmother is good at handling the administrative tasks like making doctor appointments and sorting his meds, but she is mobility impaired and cannot stand and cook food. The small mountain town is a bit of a food desert. When I visit, there are no healthy food options in the grocery store, but you can buy a 5 gallon bucket of lard.
He is adamant about not coming back up north. He hates cold weather, plus he wants to stay in his home. It is frustrating. I'm an only child, but his stepson lives there and looks after him as best he can. It's challenging because he is so strong willed and refuses to do anything that isn't what he wants. It is very frustrating.
Do they have any meals-on wheels programs available? He and his wife would certainly qualify. It’s tough when you’re an “only.” I can identify. Isn’t Tennessee pretty cold this time of year, too? If your dad’s not going outside much, I can’t see how there would be any difference where he lives.
There is nothing like Meals on Wheels where he lives. I've been told that even Amazon doesn't deliver there because it's so remote, up in the mountains. Yes, it's chilly but it doesn't get below freezing much. In Michigan, we can get down to zero. Plus he built this whole place with a workshop and storage sheds. He likes to putter around out back. We don't have that here. Having him live with me is a non-starter. He has a tendency to complain about what he doesn't like, and I am not good at receiving criticism and get snappish. Our relationship works best with a few hundred miles between us.
Sounds like he’s made his bed. You need to look out for yourself, and he needs the help of social services, if they even have such a thing there in Tennessee. At least they do in Michigan. You’ve already done a lot, I think.
Bug hugs! I definitely understand the distance. I lived 3 provinces away from my dad. When he was dying, my oldest brother was being a jerk, so updates weren't very informative, when he would give any response at all. My husband and I flew home for a week every month to spend some time with him, but ended up caring for him instead because my brother didn't want anyone coming in. I hope he does well back at home and stays healthy!
Omigosh! No words just support from a distance. 🕊️
He is home now. Hopefully his health stays good for a while.
That’s hopefully better for him and for you.
My sister and your dad would get along just fine. I have one sister she’s four years older than I am wouldn’t listen to advice before the last hurricane the dear Meals on Wheels ladies practically dragged her out of the mobile home to get her to a safe building. She complained about having to move to a different facility. Never mind everybody was trying to keep her in many others safe I think people like your dad and my sister are their own worst enemies. I am learning that I can only do so much. It’s exhausting trying to be supportive. Keep me posted on how he’s doing.
I can understand wanting to do your own thing. I would hate having someone else tell me what to do, but sometimes there's not a lot of choice. He's being released from the hospital today. I guess the pneumonia is gone.
Your father has his own ideas on how to proceed. This is always a difficult position to be in, because we tend to think that we know better. But what works for us might not be good for someone else.
It seems that you have done all you can; and from this vantage point, you have done a lot. You do not have to feel guilty, but I know that this is easier said than done.
There's not much I can do from three states away. He's being released from the hospital today so I guess he's doing better.
I don’t suppose they have any social workers at this hospital? Those are the people that should get involved in his care, especially for planning where he goes after he’s discharged. It sounds like he needs home care or assisted living to make sure he’s eating and taking his meds. I think Medicare requires this type of thing upon discharge. You can’t do everything, nor should you be expected to. Could you get him to your state, where you could keep tabs on him? Any siblings to help out with this? Some people you just can’t help, I know, but the hospital should be assisting you.
I think he has been in touch with the social worker. She was going to help him get set up with home care, but his area is so remote that there is not a lot of services available. He will have someone for a little while then they stop coming. My stepmother is good at handling the administrative tasks like making doctor appointments and sorting his meds, but she is mobility impaired and cannot stand and cook food. The small mountain town is a bit of a food desert. When I visit, there are no healthy food options in the grocery store, but you can buy a 5 gallon bucket of lard.
He is adamant about not coming back up north. He hates cold weather, plus he wants to stay in his home. It is frustrating. I'm an only child, but his stepson lives there and looks after him as best he can. It's challenging because he is so strong willed and refuses to do anything that isn't what he wants. It is very frustrating.
Do they have any meals-on wheels programs available? He and his wife would certainly qualify. It’s tough when you’re an “only.” I can identify. Isn’t Tennessee pretty cold this time of year, too? If your dad’s not going outside much, I can’t see how there would be any difference where he lives.
There is nothing like Meals on Wheels where he lives. I've been told that even Amazon doesn't deliver there because it's so remote, up in the mountains. Yes, it's chilly but it doesn't get below freezing much. In Michigan, we can get down to zero. Plus he built this whole place with a workshop and storage sheds. He likes to putter around out back. We don't have that here. Having him live with me is a non-starter. He has a tendency to complain about what he doesn't like, and I am not good at receiving criticism and get snappish. Our relationship works best with a few hundred miles between us.
Sounds like he’s made his bed. You need to look out for yourself, and he needs the help of social services, if they even have such a thing there in Tennessee. At least they do in Michigan. You’ve already done a lot, I think.